Here are two jokes from my personal collection. Have fun!

Dagohoy in the States.  It was the first day of school in Washington, DC and a new student named Dagohoy, the son of a Filipino immigrant, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher began, “Let’s review some American history, class. Who said ‘Give me liberty or give me death?'”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Dagohoy’s who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.”

“Very good,” said the teacher.

“Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall not perish from the earth'”?

Again, no response except from Dagohoy: “Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg, 1863,” he said.  The teacher snaps at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed, Dagohoy who is
new to our country knows more about our history than you do.”

She hears a loud whisper from the back: “Screw the Filipinos.” “Who said that?” she demanded.

Dagohoy put his hand up. “General John Pershing, Manila, 1896.”

At that point, Jack, another student says, “I’m going to puke.” The teacher glares and asks, “All right! Now who said that?”

Again Dagohoy answers, “George Bush, Sr. to the Japanese Prime Minister during
the state dinner, Tokyo, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!!  Dagohoy jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher at the top of his voice, “Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, the Oval Office, 1997!”

Someone shouts, “You little shit if you say anything else, I’ll kill you.” Dagohoy yells, “Congressman Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, Washington, D.C., 2001!”

The teacher faints.

“I’m outta here!” mutters one student as he sidles to the door. “President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Baguio City, December 30, 2002!!” Dagohoy responds.

As the class gathers around her on the floor, someone says, “Oh shit, now we’re really in big trouble!”  “Saddam Hussein, on the Iraq invasion, Baghdad, May 2003!” Dagohoy bellowed.

“Now, I really have to run,” Jack mutters, heading for the exit. “Gloria Macapagal Arroyo again, Pampanga, October 4, 2003!!!” Dagohoy shouts triumphantly jumping with glee.

Then a burly African-American boy grabbed Dagohoy and strangled him, about to
give a fistful to a frightened Dagohoy.

Then an Asian boy stood up and shouted, “Hey easy on him. I’M A FILIPINO!” Dagohoy then blurted out before he got socked out, “Fernando Poe, Jr. Manila, January 2004!!!”

U.S. Senator meets St. Peter. *While walking down the street one day, tragically, a U.S. senator is hit by a truck and dies.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator. “Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.  The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had during their lives. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.” So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. “I don’t understand,”  stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning**…… Today you voted.”*

So be very careful. Choose the best candidates in 2016!

Especially the candidates for President, for Vice-President, for Senator, and for Representative who will abolish family dynasties and reform our elections and  political parties. And also change our Constitution to change our Presidential Government to a Parliamentary Government, and our highly centralized Unitary System to a Federal System!

Sa ngayon walang pa sa ating mga kandidato ang marunong at matapang na baguhin ang ating bulok na sistemang pulitikal at amendahin ang ating 1987 Constitution. (By Jose “Pepe” Abueva)