I do not know with you, but the word alone elicits a smorgasbord of images and emotions, especially to those who are exposed to it.
I have a young adult client who is apparently addicted from watching pornographic materials. Never a day goes by that he does not sneak into his little room, and navigate the internet using his cellphone to look for new movies or clips that he could enjoy.
Yet, this torments him. The guilt, the alienation, and the obsessive-compulsive behavior totally make him feel despicable. And it appears that there is no way out.
Pornography is so powerful; it delivers seemingly unending stimulation and a stream of new sexual activities which in turn activate our reward system incredibly.
When someone watches porn excessively, experts say that it creates a “supernormal stimuli”. This happens when porn watching becomes more stimulating than real sex, just like the sugar in candy elicits more fun and pleasure compared with the sugar found in natural food. Hence, can be addictive.
But whether we like it or not, pornography or sexualized media are here to stay and they inundate the internet. Intentionally or unintentionally, our children will get exposed to them sooner or later regardless of the parental controls we set.
Knowing the dangers of pornography to the mental and psychological health of our children, it is our duty as parents to provide a buffer that will allow them to have a healthy and realistic view of what it truly is vis-à-vis sex.
Hence, it is important that we do not shy away from talking about pornography to our children. I was not surprised at all when my young boys started to talk about sexualized materials they saw on Youtube or Facebook. But I am glad that they opened up, at least I can personally educate them about it and instead of learning about them from somewhere else.
So, what and how do we tell children about pornography? Well, simply the hard facts. Here are some of those.
- Most of Pornography is acting.
Yes, they need to understand that all of these are acting. The producers are creating a movie and like all other movies, they do not represent reality. In pornography, the scenes that the directors creatively portray as pleasurable may actually be painful in real life. Everything, from the camera angles, lighting, and plot are all made up and part of a production process. Many of the elements there are fake including orgasms and ejaculations.
- Real people are not as sexy as porn actors and actresses.
To sell more of their videos, the actors and actresses must have physical attributes that are attractive (large penises, big breasts, etc.). Some of them even alter their bodies, undergo surgery, to be casted in pornography. Even their bodies can be fakes.
- Sexual acts in pornography are uncommon.
Most people, in their sexual life, do not engage in the sexual acts normalized in porn. Rather than focus on the exotism or wild behavior often portrayed in porn, tell your children that it is more important to attend to intimacy, connection, and respect. These are the things that make the sexual act truly deep and satisfying.
- It is alright to say No.
Tell your children not to give in to peer pressure if they find pornography to be revolting. Watching a pornographic scene can be traumatic to a teenager, and this can stick longer in the head, much like a horror movie that keeps on haunting especially in our sleep.
- Contract and consent
We may find the sexual encounters in a pornographic movie so easily consummated. Of course, because that is what is expected and part of the script. But in real life, sex always necessitates mutual consent from the partners. And it is consent freely given which makes the sexual act truly a lovable encounter.
Recent surveys indicate that there is a rise in pornographic viewing during the pandemic. Could it also be related to the increase in domestic rape and incest? Your guess can be as good as mine.