Someone asked me how to become an emotionally mature person. She laments that she finds it hard to adapt to situations and that most of the time, her feelings vacillate from low to high.

I shared that it takes time and some degree of discipline to effectively manage our emotions and grow to maturity. But unlike many things in life that can be quantified, the hallmark of emotional maturity is really on the ability of the person to adapt and respond to any situation with magnanimity and equanimity.

There are certain indicators which show that a person is mentally and emotionally mature. They share some characteristics which are worthy to emulate. Here they are.

1. They are introspective – they think, ponder, and evaluate their actions objectively. They constantly ask why they acted the way they do, why they felt the need to do so, what caused that need, etc.
2. They don’t get angry easily – especially over petty things. They understand that anger is most of the time a projection of their own need and frustrations and so they deal with it constructively instead of venting it out with someone else.
3. They acknowledge their conditioning and adjust as they need to – emotionally healthy people are aware of their own upbringing but they are not helpless to change. They do not base their opinion of themselves on the opinion of others or simply accept anything for the simple reason of having been told it growing up.
4. They ask sorry – it takes a strong person to apologize, even stronger than in situations where you need to protect your ego. Genuine apologies are harder to come by than you may realize but an emotionally strong person will give them as often or as little as they are honestly needed.
5. They don’t label emotions as “good” or “bad” – emotions are amoral. They only become bad or good when we act based on them. Emotionally mature people know how to let them pass, and they know that it’s normal to have an array of feelings. But they don’t let themselves become controlled by them.
6. They are open to receiving help – they accept consolation from friends or support from loved ones. They even go to therapy or take medications if necessary. They acknowledge that there is no shame in suffering, only in not asking for the help they need.
7. They set limits – they draw the line between being selfless and giving and taking care of themselves. They don’t keep for the sake of self-gratification but they know when they are supposed to stop especially when it has the potential to affect their wellbeing.
8. They forgive themselves – in as much as they ask apologies from others, they are also quick to give it to themselves. They know that there is no point in holding a grudge against themselves. They know that they deserve the best, and so they liberate themselves free.

There are still other manifestations of emotional maturity but what is basic among them is knowledge of oneself and using this knowledge to maintain psychological health of others and the self.

P.S. For consultations, contact me at 09177201218. You can also email me at kitbalane@boholchild.com. (By Kit Nemenzo Balane)